The End is Near

The hospice nurse confirmed the day before yesterday that it could be any time now, but that she did not believe Sharon (my mother-in-law) would be here next weekend. She is exhibiting signs of decline, but not the worst of the worst yet. She is resting comfortably, mostly, and she is at home. Jeff's dad is continuing to do a phenomenal job in caring for her. I am amazed every time I see him in action at how well-composed he is and how tenderly he cares for her. I believe she would not receive better care anywhere right now and that he is every bit as dear as she.

We did have our family Christmas a week ago today as planned and it went well. She was able to be awake for a few hours and was aware enough of her surroundings for it to be meaningful for her. She has been declining steadily ever since.

She is still responsive and recognizes us when we come. She usually tries to talk, but has been making less and less sense over the past 10 days or so since her drug dosages have been increased. Due to their effects, we don't know from one word to the next what she is going to come out with and some of it has been hilarious! We all feel like we can laugh about it without being disrespectful to her and it provides a little relief from the grief at hand, even for a minute.

Tonight as Jeff and I stood by her bed and he touched her arm to get her attention, she turned her eyes toward us and began squinting. She very weakly and slowly said, "You guys are all blue!" Thinking she meant our mood, Jeff assured her we were doing okay and that we weren't blue. She said, "You guys are all PAINTED blue!" And she would not be convinced that we were not the color blue, no matter what Jeff said. Finally she gave up. She rolled her eyes before closing them tightly and shaking her head as she pointed her finger at us and said softly, "You guys are NUTS!"

It was sweet.

Please pray. Pray for her peace and comfort. Pray for Dad's strength, emotionally and physically. And for all of us. Pray that what ever purpose God has in this will be fulfilled, on earth or in heaven. That is her greatest prayer.

Baby Got Book

(Thanks to my good friend Dave 2.0, not to be confused with D2, who is always privy to the funniest little whatnots on the web.)

Merry Christmas!

A Happy Day

Jeff's youngest sister got re-married on Saturday. It would have been a joyous day anyway. We were all happy for her to have found such a good fellow to love and marry, but it was made even more joyous by the presence of Jeff's mom who was able to be there. It was no small effort she made, nor was the price she paid for her exertion, but she was there. And she looked lovely. And it was good!

My Week in Review

Monday I had to evacuate my house in the middle of doing tendyhundred things because my carbon monoxide detector was going off. Incessantly. Waited in my van with children till help arrived. False alarm. Bad batteries.

Today I was first on the scene of an accident involving a feverish Vietnam veteran and a tree. I was lost in thought, busily composing an upcoming writing project in my mind when I saw him lose control just ahead of me on the exit ramp. In slow motion I watched as he struggled to right his veering vehicle before going down an embankment and hitting SEVERAL trees.

This is the second time I have found myself in this position.

I am considering becoming an EMT...as long as I can choose to respond to only those calls which do not involve blood or anything else I don't want to see.

He was inscathed. I waited with him until the police arrived.

Oh and I had an anxiety attack at small group Tuesday. Sometimes people make me very anxious.

My mother-in-law is not doing well. Please pray that her suffering will be minimal, that her husband will continue to have the strength to care for her at home, and that she will be able to have some wakeful periods on Sunday when we celebrate Christmas at their house.

Holiday Cheer

Christmas is a joyous time of re-connecting with old friends...and family members...


Yesterday we received this card in the mail. In the interest of protecting their identities, I won't call them by name, but have I told you lately that I love Jeff's family? In the midst of the dreariest Christmas season our (or THEIR) family has ever known, they took the time to continue a delightful tradition, the photo Christmas card. Never too busy to find time to laugh. Never too consumed with grief to pass up a chance to brighten someone else's day.

The back was inscribed with a request to move in with us just till their baby, Cletus, is born because their RV got re-po'ed.

Thanks, guys! Of course you can!

Good News!

The doctor himself just phoned and said everything came back "normal". We will continue to observe. Thank you, Lord!

Child’s Eyes

How often I have wished to possess the faith of a child, the innocence of a child, the I-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world spirit of a child, or the wonder of a child at things that one time I found dazzling. Christmas. Birthdays. Trips to the movie theater. (Oh that's right, I still find that dazzling.) Anyway. We've all felt the longing to experience a life that didn't involve too much thinking or feeling or analyzing, one like we might have lived before this life got too complicated.

That's all dandy till you are talking to your 4 year old trying to calm her anxieties regarding an upcoming battery of medical tests and you begin to realize what it is she THINKS they are going to do to her.

I thought I had prepared her for the most painful test which was to be the blood draw. I had walked her through what to expect including pushing up her sleeve, placing a rubber band around her arm, feeling for veins, swiping her arm with a wet cotton ball, and finally pinching her skin as if to poke her. I knew she wasn't looking forward to it, but she hadn't talked about it in days. This morning as we were getting ready to go to the hospital, she became quite teary at the possibility of having pictures of her insides taken. I couldn't imagine why this would be traumatic to consider aside from it just being an unfamiliar process, but I assured her it would be painless and quick. Then she asked with quivering lips and tear-filled eyes, "But will they have to take my skin off?" Because how ELSE could pictures of her insides be taken? Sheesh. I am thankful for my ability to think like an adult today. But only today.

Everything went fine. She smiled sweetly for each X-ray as if that, too, would be captured on film and lend some clue as to her internal condition. And she didn't shed a tear for the blood draw.

And it is nothing critical, as far as we know, just some pre-cautionary measures being taken to calm Mom's adult anxieties.