911...What's your Emergency?!

So it was a beautiful, classic, cool, crisp fall morning. I drove the kids to school and then returned home with Kathryn, revelling in the peace that comes with having only one child home with no siblings to fight with. Andrew went back to school yesterday after being off all last week, but I worked yesterday, so I hadn't been home alone with just one child for the day in over a week. It was nice.

I did my morning tidying and then settled in to a mountain of cutting out of patterns and fabric I had waiting for me after way over-indulging myself two days in a row at JoAnn Fabrics. After going at it for half an hour, I stood from the living room floor to stretch and move around a little before tackling the next pattern.

I happened to glance out the front window to behold the beauty of the day once more, when I was startled out of my mind by what I saw staring back at me. Eleven horses were standing in and about my driveway turnaround as if it were nothing out of the ordinary at all..."This is what we always do on the last Tuesday morning of every month!"

I ran for my camera. By the time I came back, they were making their way down the driveway toward the road. As you can see by the second photo, their mothers had trained them well to be very cautious and to look both ways before stepping out into and stopping traffic. A semi sat at a standstill for a couple of minutes while they meandered along before veering off onto a private drive.

I called 911 straightaway. And the dispatcher didn't even laugh, bless his heart. He said Animal Control would be there momentarily.

I was much calmer than the last time I called 911 when two rollover accidents happened within minutes of each other in front of my house last March. The second one left a man trapped under water while the victims of the first accident struggled to free him as I looked on screaming and nearly hyperventilating into the phone myself. They did manage to get him out and brought him into my house until the ambulance arrived. He ended up being okay.

Who even needs television when you are surrounded with this kind of drama right in the middle of nowhere?

Ridin' Dirty

Today while at JoAnn Fabrics I saw a sweetish looking elderly lady. I can't be certain of her age, but I am thinking she was at least 150 years old. Far too old to be able to even hear a cell phone ringing, much less to own one, much less to know what button to press to answer it, and much MUCH less to have a racy ringtone.

I was minding my own business browsing the single-fold bias tape when I heard a familiar tune jingling nearby, plain as day a naughty-ish rap/hip hop song called Ridin', followed by a shaky "Hello".

I smiled to myself.

"They see me rollin'...They hatin'...Patrollin' and tryna catch me ridin' dirty...My music's so loud...I'm swangin'...They hopin' that they gon' catch me ridin' dirty..."

FYI: Wikipedia defines "riding dirty" as: Participating in illegal activity while in a motor vehicle, which could include:

* Driving a vehicle that contains contraband
* Driving a vehicle without a license
* Driving a vehicle without the proper paperwork mandated by that
state
* Driving a stolen motor vehicle
* Being a passenger during any of these situations

I caught that little stinker red-handed, ridin' dirty if ever there were a dirty rider in all of the JoAnn Fabrics Friday Morning 40% Off Sale.

Dirrrrr-tay!

Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease

It is REAL and Andrew has it!

And this breaks another week's silence on my blog.

Until this week, whenever I heard that disease mentioned, I mistakenly assumed it was some kind of joke about sticking one's foot in one's mouth too frequently or something.

Oh no, not so! For those of you not in the know, it is a moderately contagious viral infection that causes fever, and blisters in the mouth and on the hands and feet.

Only after he had complained of extremely painful chancre sores for 3 days and not eaten for almost one, did I bother to even look in his mouth. Oh MAN! He had more than 10 blisters. I felt terrible, of course, and took him to the doctor the next morning to confirm the diagnosis. Yep, that was it. He has been off school the rest of the week with Julia delivering his homework on a daily basis.

Which reminds me...It stinks to be wrong. Wrong to have not have taken my darling son's complaints seriously sooner. Wrong to have done something so DUMB again...read on.

Julia has been riding the bus home without Andrew this week, obviously. Today I hadn't gone anywhere all day so I hadn't put the garage door up and didn't happen to realize it until I heard the bus take off after not dropping her off. Immediately I knew and dashed for the door hoping she might catch sight of me and stop. But NO, not this bus driver. She means biz-nass and takes her job very seriously. If the door ain't up, the child don't get off the bus and that's all there is to it. Unfortunately I already had occasion to learn this lesson, LAST year...umm, a couple of times. In my defense one of those times she was clearly in the wrong, but she still called and left a threatening message on my voicemail reminding me of her absolute and supreme authority as a licensed bus driver to make my life miserable pretty much till Jesus comes back. But this time I knew I was wrong and my second-born child was trapped on a runaway bus with a mean bus driver who didn't care much for her mother...I had to save her.

I called the transportation department and got their voicemail. I stated that I was in fact home and needed to know where I might be able to retrieve my daughter. I called the school operator and got their voicemail. Voicemail was not going to save her, but I left the same message anyway before calling the elementary school and reaching a real person, who quick as a wink radioed the bus garage, who radioed the bus driver, who named a meeting place within a mile from my house. I left my diseased boy in charge of my loves-to-be-naked-always 3 year old and sped away to fetch the medium sized girl.

I approached the bus sheepishly, still trying to decide what tactic to take with her given our history. As she whipped the door open scowling down from her perch on high, I saw her draw in a breath as if in an attempt to sustain herself for the next 5 minutes in which she would proceed to verbally spank me AGAIN. Dangit! At that moment, I asked "WWJD?"...no, I didn't really, but I did decide to be humble and not cocky. And to be Christ-like, not Janelle-like. And doggone it, it worked! I even thanked her for not letting Julia off at her stop. And she was almost what some might call "nice" in response as she stated the importance of this policy and her high calling to enforce it.

When I returned home, naked girl was still naked...bending over sweeping up Pringle crumbs that she had spilled on the kitchen floor whilst I was away for those 4 minutes.

Another day in the life of a semi-sorta-stay-at-home mom.

First Day of School

The kids finally started school on Monday after a longgg summer break. Due to the unfinished building projects going on at all three schools in the district, the administration extended the school by 10 minutes from January-May of last school year which apparently gave them enough hours/days logged to allow them to get out May 23rd and not return until September 11th. It actually was very nice up until the last few days. They were ready. I was ready!

An interesting fact is that I live in the same school district as I did when I was growing up. This has been both a positive and a negative thing. It is neat to look at my old world through the eyes of an adult. Memories flood back each time I enter the building and it smells exactly the same, or when I walk by the kitchen and I can just feel the giddy of excitement of realizing that it is Pizza Day. But being there also brings back insecurities of yore and has a way of calling to mind the burdens I carried as a child. And seeing that one mean teacher still elicits the same response. Anyway. Until this year, almost nothing had changed in the building structurally. A surprisingly high number of the same teachers remain, including two of my special favorites whom Andrew has had the privilege of learning from as well.

Part of what prompted me to resurrect this otherwise-dead-and-gone photo in the post below is that Andrew has the same homeroom teacher this year as I had for 6th grade science. When I introduced myself on the first day of school using my maiden name she interrupted me and said she knew it was me right away because of my "beautiful EYES"! She said she remembered them well...why?...because they are so BEAUTIFUL! I was dying! I remembered well how I looked in 6th grade. Instantly this photo came to mind, as I tried hard to stifle my laughter. Precious! I don't really have many, if any, memories of her at all--good or bad--just that she said "particular" a heck of a lot. And she still does! I sat in for a while one day this week. So far I am thoroughly impressed with her. The kids have day planners and clipboards...my kind of teacher. Andrew is just thrilled to have a locker for the first time, and I am thrilled that this should minimize the risk of any head lice hitching a ride to our house this winter.

I'll save the rundown on Julia's first week for another post since this is getting long.

Guess Who?

Yes, folks, that IS a mullet...an El Camino, if you will...
business in the front, party in the back!
The year was 1984. The girl was fixing to turn 11.
She was torn between the world of prep and punk and was convinced
that IF her parents would only permit her to wear parachute slacks,
she would stand a fighting chance at singing
backup vocals for Van Halen.

Here's Your Sign

I couldn't resist buying this sign for my office at work.